Lonely or Alone? Is there a difference?

I’m fortunate and very blessed because of my husband Bart to be a stay at home mom. He’s old school….but in a beautifully supportive way that makes me feel like I can conquer the world. He gives me the freedom to explore my true wants and desires in life while at the same time being my biggest fan. It is rare and priceless and I am beyond blessed to have that kind of love from him. He’s my heart. 💓

But that’s just it. He’s my heart. I cherish time spent with him…at our home on the couch or on the rare occasion we get to go out on the town together. My husband works incredibly hard for his family. 12-14 hours 6 days a week in fact. There are days that I don’t get to see him at all (which are obviously the most difficult), but typically we get to be together 2 hours or so a day.

TWO HOURS. 😔

Most of which is spent with him eating, shaving and showering for the day, and me getting his clothes ironed and ready. It’s absolutely exhausting for him and absolutely depressing for me. He’s beyond tired. And the girls and I are beyond sad.

I.

Miss.

My.

Husband.

The truth is, oftentimes, I catch myself saying that I’m “lonely”. But, in all honesty, I don’t believe that’s actually the case. I have a ton of wonderful friends in my life, two amazing little girls, two sweet fur babies, and an incredible mom that are with me or that I can call at a moment’s notice. I have caring, loving, fun people in my life that love me back.

No. I am definitely not “lonely”.

BUT, I am most definitely “ALONE”.

Now don’t get me wrong…”alone” in many instances isn’t a bad thing. In fact, I have come to feel very comfortable doing a lot of things by myself. I have always enjoyed going shopping solo or even waking up hours before anyone else in our household just so that I can steal a quiet cup of coffee, 30 minutes of reading or a moment with God before the hustle of the day begins. But lately? Alone has been more of a struggle for me.

It has felt TOO quiet. So quiet in fact that it’s loud…

Screaming even.

See him and I are a team. We have been since the day he walked into a restaurant to surprise me while I was on my lunch break and he absolutely stole my heart. We made one another better. We had an attraction to one another that could be seen by anyone who was in the same room with us…we still do.

The sad thing is, these days we are very rarely in the same room. 😔 The girls and I have learned to adapt to the schedule that he has to keep…tiptoeing around the house in the late morning when he has had night shift so that we don’t wake him up, conflicting schedules with my work or the their school, and missed weekend morning lacrosse games because he just returned home from night shift and has to sleep as he has to work again that night. Is it easy?

NO.

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Not on him for sure. My husband is physically and mentally exhausted. He works endlessly and tirelessly for his family. But it’s not on us either. The girls miss his laughter when he’s teasing one of them and his cheers from the stands during their games. I miss his arms spontaneously wrapping around me while I’m doing dishes or him grilling dinner while we listen to our favorite music and the girls and dogs play in the backyard.

Our family is just BETTER with him around. He’s our backbone…our rock…our hero. He gives his EVERYTHING so that “his girls” have the best of everything this world has to offer. But what he doesn’t realize is this…

To us,

HE is the best of everything this world has to offer. ❤️ And without him around, it doesn’t matter what else we have because we don’t have HIM.

My name is Shannon Lee Burton and…

I.

Miss.

My.

Husband.

I am not lonely, but I do oftentimes feel “ALONE”.

I am trusting and believing that God will guide us through this season of Bart’s long hours, difficult work schedule, and physical and mental exhaustion so that when the warm days of summer begin, this family is grilling, running, playing, laughing, and thoroughly CHERISHING our time together. God please just grant us TIME. Everything else is already present….

You have given us the gift of love. The gift of one another… and for that we are extremely grateful. Please God grant us the gift of TIME. We are not promised tomorrow, so this family wants to live for TODAY.

I love you Bart Daniel. The girls love you too…we sure do miss you. ❤️ And above all else, we are grateful for you.

Xo,

Shannon